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Funny UNIX command

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#1 rizal


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Posted 15 January 2003 - 11:57 AM

Terjumpa! smile.gif

Funny UNIX Commands
Here is a list I compiled of UNIX commands that return witty error messages. Some of the commands don't return the same error messages, depending upon which OS you're running (ie SunOS, HP/UX, Ultrix, etc.). Have fun!
If you know of any other funny UNIXisms that aren't here, please send them to jimbo@statsci.com


% make fire

Make: Don't know how to make fire. Stop.

% why not?

No match.

% gotta light?

No match.

% !1984

1984: Event not found. # (on some systems)

% How's my lovemaking?

Unmatched '.

% "How would you rate Bush's incompetence?

Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?

Missing ].

% [Where is my brain?

Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?

Modifier failed.

% ^How did the sex change operation go?

Bad substitute.

% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?

Too many ('s.

% man: why did you get a divorce?

man:: Too many arguments.

% %blow

%blow: No such job.

% (-

(-: Command not found.

% sh

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense

no sense in pretending!

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter

matter: cannot create

% cd /tmp

% touch this; chmod 000 this

% ln -s /usr/bin/touch U

% U this

U: cannot touch this: no write permission

% rm meese-ethics

rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% make love

Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me

bad character

% ^What is saccharine?

Bad substitute.

% drink bottle: cannot open

opener: not found

% alias alias alias

alias: Too dangerous to alias that.

% cat catfood

cat: cannot open catfood

% cat "food in cans"

cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman

No manual entry for woman.

% man p***y

No manual entry for p***y.

% write desert

desert is not logged on.

% man you

No manual entry for you.

% !bluemoon

bluemoon: Event not found.

% scan for <<"Arnold Schwarzenegger"^J^D

"Arnold Schwarzenegger": << terminator not found

% cat 'the can of tuna'

cat: cannot open the can of tuna

% rm Quayle-brains

rm: Quayle-brains nonexistent

% cat "door: paws too slippery"

cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery

% look into "my eyes"

look: cannot open my eyes

% lost

lost: not found

% make war

Make: Don't know how to make war. Stop.

% mkdir yellow_pages; cat > yellow_pages

yellow_pages: Is a directory

%touch me

%chmod 000 me

%touch me

touch: cannot touch me: permission denied

% ar x "my love life"

ar: my love life does not exist

% ar x "matey, the treasure"

ar: matey, the tresure does not exist

% talk Gorvachev@Kremlin

talk: Kremlin: Can't figure out network address.

% talk Comrade Khruchev

[Your party is not logged on]

make "bottle open"

make "heads or tails of all this"

make love

make mistake

make sense

man woman

man -kisses dog

% echo '[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq'|dc


% ping elvis.rice.edu | awk '{print substr($1,1,5), $2, $3}'

elvis is alive

% finger body-of-christ@bread-jar.mass

Unknown host

% finger huge-keg-party@big-house

Unknown host

% make ' ' bang ' ' with gun

make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target ` '

#2 Rezdrake

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Posted 15 January 2003 - 12:40 PM

heheh.. best part nie
cat catfood
cat: cannot open catfood

#3 FaRiS


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Posted 15 January 2003 - 02:52 PM

% rm /bin/laden
rm: cannot lstat '/bin/laden': Cannot Find Freedom Fighter

#4 pip-ux


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Posted 15 January 2003 - 04:54 PM

emmm sesekali baca balik lawak nie ringan juga kepala.

# rm -r '/bin/laden terorist'
rm: /bin/laden terorist non-existent

#5 ihsan


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Posted 15 January 2003 - 07:25 PM

[ihsan@teratai:/home/ihsan]$ man woman
[ihsan@teratai:/home/ihsan]$ Segmentation fault (core dumped)

#6 zam4ever


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Posted 26 June 2003 - 12:42 AM

saudara moderator, saya cadangkan agar topic ini dijadikan "sticky" dalam bahagian Sistem Operasi. Saya rasa topic ini boleh menarik minat pengguna OS kerana mungkin mereka tidak sangka bahawa dalam UNIX ada jugak perkara yang boleh diketawakan. Mungkin juga sewaktu mereka bermain dgn OS mereka, dan terjumpa benda yang sama, mungkin mereka boleh berkongsi kegembiraan mereka. happy.gif

salam :mrgreen:

#7 mnajem


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Posted 26 June 2003 - 10:54 AM

tapi bab God yang aku tak setuju tu smile.gif

atheis ke diorang ni.

#8 FaRiS


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Posted 26 June 2003 - 11:16 AM

A ah..
Betul la..
Nanti aku inform Abg. Rizal

#9 Guest_daemon_bsd_*

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Posted 26 June 2003 - 02:02 PM

# man woman
There is not an entry for woman.

#10 Guest_daemon_bsd_*

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Posted 09 July 2003 - 09:01 AM

Nyanyikan lagu di bawah dengan penuh bersemangat ikut rentak March:


All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone
hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.

Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.

#11 Guest_/dev/null_*

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Posted 14 July 2003 - 09:46 AM

lawak juga orang2 techie nie ye... daemon_bsd lagu ko tu ade umphhh!!!




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Posted 23 July 2003 - 06:58 PM

aku ada something nak paste.. nih pasla UNIX system customer's support.. nih lagik beshh ahaks...

A customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question:

Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a
program ?
UNIX Consultant: Yes, that's correct.
Customer: No, what is it ?
UNIX Consultant: Yes.
Customer: So, which is the one?
UNIX Consultant: No. 'which' is used to find the program.
Customer: Stop this. Who are you?
UNIX Consultant: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo'
to get information about yoo'.
Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code?
UNIX Consultant: Use 'what'.
Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true?
UNIX Consultant: No. 'true' gives you 0.
Customer: Which one?
UNIX Consultant: 'true' gives you 0. 'which program name'.
Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
UNIX Consultant: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what
program' to get the revision code.
Customer: I want to find the revision code.
UNIX Consultant: You can't 'find revision code', you must use 'what
Customer: Which command will do what I need?
UNIX Consultant: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.
UNIX Consultant: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your
Customer: Write what?
UNIX Consultant: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
Customer: Cut that out!
UNIX Consultant: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the
Customer: Do you always do this?
UNIX Consultant: 'du' will give you disk usage.
Customer: HELP!
UNIX Consultant: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).
Customer: You make me angry.
UNIX Consultant: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make program name'
when I was upset once.
Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
UNIX Consultant: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system
has 'more'.
Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!
UNIX Consultant: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is
better not to 'nice help' and 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is.
Unless of course 'now' is a file name.
Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
UNIX Consultant: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to
the Pascal compiler team.


#13 Pakcik_Kantin


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Posted 20 November 2003 - 11:41 AM

C:Documents and SettingsSPACE1>format c:

Agaknya apa akan jadi :roll:

#14 zam4ever


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Posted 20 November 2003 - 05:30 PM

C:Documents and SettingsSPACE1>format c: Agaknya apa akan jadi  :roll:

Menu "decision" yang bertanyakan kepastian samada anda hendak format atau tidak. [Y/N]

Salam ceria.

#15 zam4ever


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Posted 26 January 2004 - 09:51 PM

#man rtfm

rtfm - read the fscking manual

rtfm [ -index | +chapter | +page ]manual

rtfm is a means by which answers to questions can be found without interrupting other users or other already running processes.

rtfm can be useful to anyone needing an answer to a question or a clarification on almost any subject. It can also be useful to anyone who wishes to offer similar information to others in advance of their own questions without providing the entire text to them.

Once used, rtfm imparts knowledge upon the user based on the manual referenced. Depending on the user's retention for knowledge, rtfm may not be required again on that subject for several minutes or many years.

start at the reference index to compute the proper page +chapter, +page start at the given chapter or page number.

The reference device to use. If no manual is given, the process will attempt to access the default device. If the default device contains no information or is not found, the process will attempt to invoke a think(1) command at the system level for clarification.

The default device. This file often loses information over time but its rate of decay is inconsistent. The use of rtfm often increases the store of information in the device or reaffirms information already stored. Failure to use rtfm over extended periods can severely depelete the amount and length of retention.

Use of rtfm on those without a sense of humour may result in excessive corrections to the user's mindset. To remedy such annoyances, the use of lart(1) is strongly recommended.

think(1), lart(1)

rtfm(1) was first written as a response to a rather weak Oracularity question. The author felt that this was somehow apropos. As such, its original appearance was edited for a general audience.

rtfm(1) was originally written by D. Joseph Creighton, <djc@cc.umanitoba.ca> and was based on the man pages created.


Salam ceria.

#16 Guest_X-pydix_*

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Posted 06 November 2004 - 01:55 PM

command nih

/mnt/cdrom/audioslave/like a stone

=command not found

heheh aper aku ngarut nih.....

#17 iostream


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Posted 25 November 2004 - 05:12 PM

Laugh along with GNU

#18 merryvesa


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Posted 19 November 2007 - 05:01 PM

amende nie!?pelik tp lawak...
sampai terminator pon ada susah la.... laugh.gif

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